Plain Truth: Know your and your wife’s role

I will devote a few articles to focusing on the man - who he is and his role as man in saving his marriage and family.

The quest to understand the varying responsibilities of the husband and wife in marriage is necessary because of a number of problems associated with the way that husbands and wives treat each other in the African context.

Some of the problems that can be mentioned are:

1. Women as inferior to men
Women are regarded as inferior beings in the African context and are treated as such. They are never treated as equal partners, and an African man is therefore able to take a unilateral decision that affects both of them without having consulted with his wife. In the end, the husband will just come and inform his wife what is to be done and what not. This is based on the misinterpretation of the Biblical notion that a man is the head of the family. African men head their families like dictators – with iron fists. There is no room for proper consultation with one’s better half in this context.

2. Women as sex objects
African women are valued and appreciated mainly as sex objects. An African man appreciates his better half when he has closed their bedroom door and she is able to fulfil his sexual needs. After having fulfilled his sexual needs, she still remains an inferior being to him. African men with this kind of mentality enjoy the companionship of their wives when it suits them, and usually only when they think it’s time to engage in sexual intercourse.
They forget that sexual intercourse is an integral part of marriage, which makes marriage a joyous union of the two. Sexual union should therefore be enjoyed by both husband and wife within the context of their marriage, where they surrender to each other and take control of each other’s bodies and sexual needs. This one-sided view by some African men, which is not Biblical, needs serious condemnation.  

3. Women as gardens
African women are also treated as gardens to be cultivated to bear fruit. Womanhood is determined primarily by a woman’s ability to give birth. This misconception needs to be refuted at this time because of the perception created by some men who think that a woman is like a garden that is only useful when it comes to child bearing. Childlessness is therefore regarded as a curse among African women, hence the high rate of infidelity and polygamy in Africa.

4. Men as gold mines
There are women in Africa who get married for the sake of money. Men within the context of such marriages can be defined as ”gold mines”, because they are able to bring money home to satisfy their women’s material needs. The loss of money and riches in such a context marks the end of marriage as well. Infidelity is also on the increase because of this problem.

Columns - Date: 02 October 2014

Prof Derrick Mashau

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